After my sinus operation this phrase seems apt to me. For two weeks even the kids could see their Mum was a bit pale; a reduction in eye rolling ensued as plates were transported from the table without much ado. After that it was clear the people in my world expected me to bounce back, the only problem being I was getting better in barely perceptible shifts each day, not to a two weekly deadline. If I was going to allow my body the opportunity to heal I needed to manage my output and, horror of horrors, stop doing things (oh no). Thankfully common sense prevailed and all is well, although I can’t understand how I am both stuffed up still and yet able to breathe more effectively than before the op, very strange!
Many people in England are currently experiencing a setback beyond their control, ie the weather. A good friend, living a couple of miles from me, had her house flooded last week. The water is still rising up from under her living room floor and making its way down her hallway … The reason it’s flowing up through the foundations and not through the door – the water table is extraordinarily high in some parts of Kent, a result of the wettest January since records began (rainfall has been measured in England since 1766).
Other regions of England are worse hit, the county of Somerset is featured daily on news media; the army have been drafted in to aid relief. The BBC reporting, “it started raining on 9th December and it hasn’t stopped since”. I am reminded of a television program I watched in 2012 describing the phenomena of ‘global weirding’, a natty phrase which neatly captures the weird and extreme nature of the world’s weather experienced in recent years.
When I was living in Texas, a few years ago now, the droughts and torrential floods began reaching unprecedented levels – that’s my Houston neighbour’s house in the photo. We were fortunate not to have our home flooded, however, the two weeks after Hurricane Ike Came Calling gave me my own experience of coping with a significant setback – more of which chronicled in my book An Inconvenient Posting (unashamed plug).
My recently flooded pal epitomizes all that is good in the English character; she is stoic and apparently unchallenged by the pond in her home. She is resigned to knowing she couldn’t have done anything about it and has a plan in terms of what to do next, and how to prevent it happening again. It will be a long process, probably involving loss adjusters and unwelcome expense, but her head is up and she is ready to pick her way through it.
People vary dramatically in their coping skills at a time of crisis. Knowing this I was inspired to think about what mindset helps us to bounce back; below are some ideas I’ve brought together for you.
Ideas to promote resilience …
TRY AND STAY POSITIVE
- Berating yourself about how you could have prevented or helped the outcome of the setback will change nothing and make you feel worse.
- With this in mind, limit negative thinking to a few minutes. Try not to dwell on thoughts such as, Why me? What if? And counter these with positive ones; What can I do differently in the future? And How can I make things better? How or who can help me?
FOCUS ON CHANGE
- Coming to terms with your bump in the road will help you to move on effectively and make the necessary changes more promptly – accepting that setbacks are part of life is key to moving on.
- Sometimes it’s impossible to move on because of your ongoing predicament; remind yourself that eventually things will change. Perhaps you can begin to imagine what this might look like and conjure up some positive images to draw on?
- Try re-evaluating your goals for that time when change comes. Taking control of your situation will make you feel better.
- Ask yourself, How might I get help or advice? For example, losing your job is usually an upsetting and unwelcome set back. In addition to the obvious financial implications it can sap confidence and erode your sense of identity. On the other hand, it is normal nowadays, in fact most people lack job security. As a result, there is help at hand to provide support and ideas in the form of books and articles on the internet.
SEEK HELP AND ADVICE
- Most people feel good about helping others so don’t be afraid to network effectively. And who knows, maybe there will be something you can do for that person in return. Research shows that when we help others it makes us feel good too.
- Meet up with a trusted friend and have a good moan, then thank them for listening. This will help you gain perspective on your situation. Need a deeper discussion in which to process your feelings? You could find a therapist; look for one who you feel you’ll work well with.
MAKE SMALL CHANGES; BEGIN NOW!
- The road back may be a long one; whilst it’s good to make a plan, you don’t want to be overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task in hand. Start with small bite size changes, challenge yourself to think about what you can do today that will help.
- Made a mistake? We all do! Forgive yourself and do not be discouraged. Maybe there was something positive resulted from the mistake? An example that springs to mind for me, was the shower stall I had tiled with mosaic. I was pleased with my choice, thinking they were a stylish bargain and they looked good in the magazine photos… However, one year on the grout is constantly turning black and grimy; some tiles are falling out. It’s a small issue and yet every morning I look at the horrid little squares and stifle the urge to feel miffed I ever chose them. The learning; next time do a little research and ask someone who knows!
Good luck and please let me know if you’ve been affected by a particular challenge recently.
Specifically interested in expatriate challenges? Try The Emotionally Resilient Expat by Linda Janssen
